Consult, Manage, Change

Tell Me Where It Hurts ??

The following thought provoker is kindly reproduced under permission by Alan Weiss.  Alas provides us with sound advice and challenges us to think differently.

© Alan Weiss 2012. All rights reserved. Summit Consulting Group, Inc. "Reprinted with permission"

Source - Alan's BLOG http://www.contrarianconsulting.com/

When you’re coaching people or simply observing clients, you’re well served never to assume someone else is “damaged” or malicious. We tend to make too many assumptions about others’ motives without any evidence.

There are four key vectors to consider when, in fact, people are being hurt. Develop evidence to support your conclusion so that you can properly help in each instance.

1. Consciously hurting others. This may be through emotional manipulation, peer group humiliation, withholding important information, providing incorrect information, starting rumors, and so on. Passive/aggressive people deliberately hurt others, though seemingly unintentionally (though it’s highly intentional). Bullies (emotional, psychological, physical) try to hurt others because of their own perceived inferiority, attempting to lower others to their levels.

You must confront these acts with observed behavior and the ramifications of that behavior. If it continues unabated, it should be grounds for dismissal. I was the fourth in a line of coaches trying to prevent obscene workplace tirades and humiliation from an executive vice president whose division delivered large profits. He refused to stop his behavior or get counseling. I told the president that the entire workforce considered it HIS preferred behavior, and this man was his proxy, since the president refused to put a stop to it. A week later the vice president was fired. His division continued to produce large profits.

1. Unconsciously hurting others. These people are generally oblivious to the world around them and/or totally self-absorbed. They are the people who speak loudly on the phone in public areas, use inappropriate language, demand attention at others’ expense (they monopolize the help in a restaurant), or drive at 20 miles an hour on a 45 mile-an-hour road because they are talking on the phone.

It usually helps to bring the behavior and its ramifications to the attention of the transgressors, since they are unaware of both what they’re doing and how it impacts others. “Why are you changing the temperature in the room when all the rest of us are comfortable, and you haven’t even asked us? Put on a sweater.” If they are apprised and refuse to change their behavior, then they enter category 1 above.

1. Consciously hurting yourself. This can range from physically harming yourself (e.g., cutting) to emotional and psychological harm (e.g., constantly sacrificing personal objectives for others, denying yourself what is rightfully yours, and so on). This often stems from a need to punish, feeling alienated, and feeling unworthy.

In this case, people have to be encouraged to reveal their feelings of inferiority or lack of worth, or explore why they constantly accede to others because of intimidation or a false sense of protocol. Many people deliberately dress, use language, and comport themselves so as not to draw attention or praise. They are often afraid of exposing their own perceived ineptitude.

1. Unconsciously hurting yourself. These are people with very low self-worth who “automatically” and consistently place themselves in inferior positions. They never try to “win” or to gain praise, or to stand out favorably in a crowd. When I once forced such a person to explain why she couldn’t speak up to a prospect who was asking reasonable questions, she said, “I guess I just can’t imagine why he’d listen to someone like me.”

There are people walking around believing inherently that they don’t deserve, don’t count, don’t merit any success and, if it comes, it was an accident, a stroke of luck. Their defeats and setbacks of course, are because of their own lack of talent. I’ve found that people in this category are carrying “baggage” and self-limiting beliefs that are never examined or even apparent. But they are guided by them nonetheless.

Examine why and how people are hurting and being hurt. Don’t assume it’s always the same reason or situation or solution. And it doesn’t hurt to ask this of yourself, as well.

© Alan Weiss 2012. All rights reserved.

Alan Weiss, PhD

President

Summit Consulting Group, Inc.

Box 1009

East Greenwich, RI 02818

401/884-2778 Fax: 401/884-5068         

http://www.summitconsulting.com

http://www.contrarianconsulting.com (blog)

Alan@summitconsulting.com

 

• Professional Speaker Hall of Fame

• Fellow, Institute of Management Consultants

• Lifetime Achievement Award, American Press Insitute

• 48 Published Books

 

"One of the most highly respected independent consultants in the country. 

— New York Post

"One of the top motivational speakers in the country." — Providence Journal

Advice for us all - From Dr. Alan Weiss

I have recieved my regular Contrarian Consulting email from Alan Weiss and one of his topics was in tune with some discussions I have had recenlty.

Alan is providing advice on how to get things done! Please visit Alan's Blog if the following rings some bells for you.

Alan's advice .............

Here’s how you schedule time to get things done. Let’s say you want to write an article or position paper.

1. Choose the audience you seek to influence, probably those most appropriate for your value proposition. (5 minutes) [Bank lending officers]

2. Choose a topic that will be provocative and timely. (10 minutes) [Identifying the best candidate for safe loans and repeat business]

3. Choose a working title, not something for all the ages. (5 minutes) [Behind the Interview: The Prospect Within]

4. Select 4-6 key points. (10 minutes) [1. The lessons in the first greeting; 2. How to assess behaviors in an interview; 3. The key questions to ask to appraise the business proposition; 4. The key questions you want to be asked.]

5. Write an edgy opening paragraph. (10 minutes) [Why do lending interviews reveal so little about the customer and so much about our own fears? If the objective is to increase business, then we should first increase our own probabilities of identifying and welcoming high potential prospects. That's not usually done with a shaky wooden chair and a bare lightbulb overhead.]

6. Write about each of your points, making sure to include your rationale, an example so that it’s not merely conceptual, and a graphic if it helps explain the point. (20 minutes per point)

7. Write a closing that’s a call to action. (10 minutes). [The next time prospects walk into your office, invite them to sit in a comfortable chair, offer them some refreshments, and remind yourself that they represent opportunity, not threat. Ask yourself how they might speak positively of the experience, no matter what your ultimate decision. That, alone, might increase your business more than you can imagine.]

8. Reassess the title to see if you want to now adjust it. (5 minutes) [The Human Banker—Stepping Out from Behind the Green Curtain]

That entire process above, with six points, requires about two hours. Spread it over four days, and it’s a half-hour a day. Put that in your calendar at 10:30 each morning, and don’t change it, no matter what.

That’s how you get work out. I’ve probably taken a week off the process above for most of you! Stop fooling around, discretionary time is wealth, and you are eroding yours.

© Alan Weiss 2012. All rights reserved.